Think about this statement: the quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life. How would you feel if this statement were 100% true? I know at times I’m a little embarrassed by this. I’d be a bit bummed out that it’s actually my fault things are the way they are. After that quick little pity party I’d then be motivated and inspired. This would mean I determine what happens in my life. If it is really that simple, I know I can have the self-discipline to make the simple act of making sure my thoughts are only on what I want. This means that my happiness is something that I am in control of and my responsibility. I simply need to choose what I’d like experience and only focus on that.
This means the aspects of our lives we do not currently like, that keep showing up, are the result of our thoughts. This would be like going into an expensive restaurant and ordering something that I despise, eating it, hating it, and then spending a lot of money on it. Not only that, but also then going back to that same restaurant and doing it again and again. That sounds ridiculous. But this principle is essentially saying that is what we are doing. Becoming aware of what we are thinking about, what we are ‘feeling’ about is the first step in the process of change. Awareness is the key to change. It may seem impossible to stop thinking about the struggle and pain you might be dealing with and I agree. Instead of trying to stop the thoughts you don’t want, replace them with thoughts you do want about things that you do like. Choose better feeling thoughts. Our thoughts do determine the quality of our lives. Try it and put this theory to the test.
-Tom O’Stasik, author of The Men’s Divorce Playbook
What is fear really? Fear is no more real than the four little letters on the page, yet able to have control over so many of us. Why do we give into it? Is it the pain that we fear? Whatever that pain is, physical or emotional, is that pain we fear that bad that it changes our choices, behaviors, and motivations? A lot of times that state of fear that we are in and the changes we make to avoid the pains, outlast the duration of whatever pain we might have experienced. Yet pain is an amazing teacher! Our most valuable life lessons are filled with painful experiences. How we deal and learn from pain typically defines who we are and who we become. I think a greater value should be put on those individuals that stand up to their fears and fail and consequently experience pain. We shouldn’t pity them for their state of being; we should honor them and be inspired by their courage for challenging their comfort and status quo for the sake of a attempting to achieve a greater reality. Maybe we do honor those individuals, but a lot of times we secretly are grateful that it wasn’t us that had that experience. But those individuals going thru the experience are growing, evolving, and are highly aware that they’re alive. Not all of us can say that.
Tom O’Stasik, author of The Men’s Divorce Playbook
It’s easy to fall into the trap of making yourself out to be the victim while going through a divorce, no matter if you are a man or a woman. This victim mindset will prevent you from moving on and healing. Take steps toward taking more personal responsibility for everything that is happening in your life because the truth is you had a role in creating everything that is in your life.
Going through a divorce you may feel like you are losing your mind. I know countless times I would catch myself having a full on argument in my mind about reliving a past argument or a potential future argument. A lot of times these potential future arguments would never even materialize. Here are a few tips to gain some control over your wayward thoughts and keep your sanity while dealing with divorce.
Every couple that goes through a difficult struggle, whether they get a divorce or persevere through it, may ask themselves “Should we divorce?” I give you some of my thoughts when considering this. I’ve been there. I’ve asked myself that question before, choosing to stick it out, and eventually choosing divorce. My hope is that I give you some insight into helping you make the right decision for you.
Challenge yourself to attack your fears. You will be forced to face fears through this divorce process. Embrace the challenge. Find out what it feels like to over come some of your fears and carry that over into other areas of our life.
Sometimes events happen in our lives that take our breath away. I’m talking about large, emotional, heart wrenching events. For some it’s losing a job, experiencing an affair, going through a divorce, or possibly the death of a loved one. We have these moments in our lives, not very often, but most of the time we label them as bad in our minds. We feel this rush of emotion that we have a hard time fully wrapping our minds around. Typically we go through our typical days relatively numb by our routine. We go to work, pick up the kids, go to class, or whatever your day looks like. But then a moment like this comes along. Yes, pain and hurt may follow this unusual event, but in the moment you become aware of this event, you can’t deny the feeling of a surge of energy.
My point in writing this is to remind us of the other side of this potentially “tragic” event. This energy that you feel when this LIFE moment happens, reminds us we are alive. There’s no mistaking it. It immediately changes us and the course we were on. Most people don’t like change, especially when it is thrust upon us. But try if you can to “be like water,” as Bruce Lee would say. Go with it and not resist it. Don’t condemn it or judge it. Trust that there is more wisdom going on then what our tiny little brains can wrap our minds around. Through life’s greatest challenges comes our greatest growth and education. Looking back at the toughest times in my life, it has made me who I am today. For that, I am tremendously grateful. So in essence, these crazy life moments are a gift, albeit a gift in disguise, but a gift none the less.
– Tom O’Stasik Jr
Originally written on Leaving the Comfort of my Comfort Zone